My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
