you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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