You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
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