How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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