I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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