I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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