And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
