I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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