I can text with my tongue
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
