Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
