God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
