Please, let me fuck your mom
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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