i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
