pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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