I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
