This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
