god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
