Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
