How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
