Redeem this text for a blowjob
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
God I need to hump something, right now.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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