East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
