dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Walk of Shame today included voting.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
