There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I need to calm my uterus...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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