she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You smell like stripper and shame
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So much rum. So many feels.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
