Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm at about main and main street
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
