I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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