How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
