I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
