it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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