He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
