I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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