Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
