How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
