She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
whose ass print is on the piano?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize