I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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