coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
