I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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