All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
