I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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