i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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