Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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