I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
