one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
