I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize