this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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