Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
