holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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