I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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