I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
