Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
