When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
