how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i out mim tonsoeep
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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