Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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