we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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