Having a random hookup so left but love u
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
