Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My day in three words: secret purse cake
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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