Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
my poor anus
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
