I think my fart just growled at me.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
it's like iHOP with fire
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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