i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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