so that wasnt chicken after all
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
