Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
