my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
