So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
