he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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