I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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