I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Randomize
